Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
