I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
