I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Randomize
