apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
