I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
