I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
