Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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