I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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