If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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