I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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