I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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