There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
