yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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