i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
