Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
