i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
