you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
