once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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