She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
No subtext here. People are naked.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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