yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
