My boss' voice literally gives me gas
You smell like stripper and shame
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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