She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
