Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
