Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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