You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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