Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
