how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
