im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
