so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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