did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
