This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
