I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
