Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
