pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize