I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
