i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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