I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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