i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
