She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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