my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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