OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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