At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
