um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
