I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
