pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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