so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
