All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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