I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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