Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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