Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
