Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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